If you're still interested, you can now find my writing journal here: 20quidnosebleed

Darling it's better down where it's wetter,
Take it from me.





This was originally all in one entry, but part way through I realised how long this actually going to be. Seeing as this covers one particular subject and is more of a borderline rant, and the other is just your usual update I thought I would keep it separate.


I've realised after skimming over my previous LJ entries, my actual diary, my notebook and a few posts here and there that I can come across as quite a negative person. Want to know a secret?

It's all a lie.
I'm actually quite optimistic and determined when I want to be. If you looked in the notebook I carry pretty much everywhere with me, you would see that I'm not actually all that pessimistic.

Where does this impression come from?
People always take the negatives when forming an opinion. You should always look at someone or something from all angles before reaching a conclusion. People see me in this way because I listen to bands such MCR, Aiden, The Pink Spiders and Marilyn Manson and dress primarily in dark colours an adore skulls, bats, stripes, etc. Wow, I like indigo and black - big deal.

But people never look at both sides. I can counter this. I listen to happier music as well such as FOB, Panic and Hellogoodbye. Plus on top of that I'm a total dork and love listening to the "best" bands from the start of the century - such as Busted, Blue and Gareth Gates! I also adore Disney soundtracks - and last time I checked they weren't dark and crude. The girly side expands outside of music as well; I just like to add my own personal touch of darkness to confuse people. Most people who meet me would never guess that two of my favourite colours are hot pink and lime green.

Oh, they also seem to think I'm shy and secretive. Not likely, I can be loud and cheerful - also rather arrogant too, if you hadn't already guessed.



I am actually trying to make a point here.
But hey, myself was only one example of this. My point is that people base their opinions on other people’s words and by only looking at a story from one side. Life isn't like a mirror; you can look at the world from all angles. So why are people so close-minded and only take one approach?

I've spent a good chunk of my past week on Panic at the Disco's Meebo chat, and I've never seen people take such a one-sided approach to the world. I've met some nice people, but there are some things that cannot be avoided. Multiple times a day the fans will sit and rant about the bands girlfriends. Have they met these people? No. They've come to the conclusion that these women are to be hated just because they're in a relationship with a certain guy. That's just idiotic. But hey, everyone hates girls that date the famous young guys - right?

If you just agreed with that point, please kindly ask your siblings, parents, friends and / or neighbours to hurl watermelons at your head.

No, they act this way towards all celebrities, who are both much older and younger than them. Come on, do you know how many female twelve year old 30 Seconds to Mars fans started ranting when they saw the photograph of Jared Leto and Paris Hilton kissing? Come on, he's thirty-six! He's older than my parents, and they think that they're going to be his bride one day? It's just naive, and until they saw those images some actually liked Paris.

Get. A. Clue.
I'd like to say that it stops at fame, but hey - they're like this over people in schools too. Even in a place where they can actually meet the guy's girl, they still choose to hate without good reason. Why is envy so dominant in this world?

No, I'm not done yet.
But, relationships are only one way to look at this scenario. People hate others for multiple unfair reasons. And why is this? It’s only because they only choose to look at a situation from one angel. There are always multiple perspectives for every scenario, and I've realised that it's possible to identify at least one possible quality in every. single. person. in this world. Yes, even for the greatest villains in history you'll be able to find a positive attribute somewhere.

You just need to open your eyes, and accept people for who it is they really are. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to agree with them. You could be opposites every single way possible and still find something positive about them. That's how I've managed to befriend people from so many different cliques in school. Look past the differences and negatives, and focus upon an attribute you like in the person. It's not all that difficult.

I'm a vampire. My best friend is the pearly pink princess.
My friends and I couldn't be more different, in particular my closest friend and I. And guess what? I really don't care. We don't like the same music, books and clothes, but that's alright and doesn't bother us. We're different, and we're not going to conform for anyone.

Opposites really do attract. Just sometimes we need to be a little more clandestine.
The way I learnt to truly accept people was actually over the internet. When the world fell to pieces around me I resorted to forums and chat rooms where the people I see everyday would never dream of going. I met people from all sorts of backgrounds, with so many different interests, styles and personalities. But I didn't mind that, because we got along. I'd always felt that I was an accepting person, but until I met these people I didn't realise how wrong I really was.

Online, you can be anyone you want to be. Who am I? I'm myself both online and offline. I use the same language and logic, I'll answer a question in the exact same way whether there are a four thousand miles between us or not. But at first, I was different. I only started using the internet in October 2004, and back then I chose a different approach. Online I was someone who was more accepting, kinder and defensive to some extent. But I was the opposite in school.

The internet is what helped me form a person I'm proud of. Meeting new people from other areas of the world helped me to find new interests and to learn just how alike your total opposite can be. I learnt to look at things from a new angle, whilst still keep similar approaches to life that I previously took. I've made connections, and I've changed. People around me have noticed, mostly those in school. It scares me sometimes, just how open I can be whilst people I've known for ten years can be so narrow-minded. But hey, I'm not going to lie or change my opinions for them. If they want to face life like a mirror and only look at the world from one angle then let them. Let them do that, and I'll take my own approach of over-analyzing and questioning other possibilities.

People should learn to look closer, and to view the world from multiple angles. More importantly, they shouldn't choose to hate someone just because they're dating someone they also like. It's simple and complicated all at once.

Take a new approach at life.



Kristina-Leigh. x

Arm and arm we'll win the fight,
It's always been our dream.





Sometimes I scare myself. I do next to nothing with my time, yet I still manage to fall behind with everything and fall inactive on forums. Time keeps slipping - why can't it just slow down a little? It's already the final week of February, and this is the first time I've updated my journal this month year. I'd like to say I've been a busy little bee, and that's why I haven't said anything. But that's a lie, all I've accomplished this year is completing Kingdom Hearts II. Really, that's it.

I have until tomorrow to re-write a short story for English, and to complete two booklets for history and maths. I've had this to do for over a week, but I'm a lazy little sheep and have spent my time sleeping and kicking Organization XIII's ass. Yes that's right, playing the PS2 was more important to me that school work. Honestly, I don't really care about that evil place (so why the hell have I agreed to stay on by choice for another two years!?)

The PS2 also stole me away from my novel. Yeh, I'm still working A Map of the World. But hey, I'm a nutter and you that's why people love me. So why am I mad? Well, one month into NaNoWriYe 2008 I decided to reset my word count. So, on February 1st I officially stood at 0 words out of 500,000. This year month I've written a total of 7,163 words. I should have written over 75k by now. But hey, I'm not giving up yet. There's still just over ten months left of 2008 - I can write 493k in that time! I'm not reducing my goal or failing for a second year. Thanks.

A Map of the World currently stands at 73, 266 words. Currently I'm working in Chapter Seven, which is very different compared to the rest of the novel. If I could split the characters up into 'good' and 'bad', then I'm currently writing for villains. I'm writing for Ryan and Daniel's rivals in chapter seven. It ties in the small details I've inserted into previous chapters, and explains why these have been included. But more importantly, it explains their plot and how the heroes have actually aided their opponents.




Kristina-Leigh. x

I Am Afraid,
Because I'm Open and Undone.





If anyone has a wish to kill me, then please go ahead and commit the deed. To put it one way, I'm not looking forward to school tomorrow. Yesterday I had to do a talk in English and forgot my notes, which resulted in me mucking up about a minute or two into it and having to give up. At least it was an attempt, I guess, but even though I don't get my results back until Thursday I still don't want to go back. Plus, tomorrow I have to write about my trip to the National Gallery in Edinburgh in art, which I visited today. There is also a very high chance of getting my exam result back for my practical art exam tomorrow, so I sort of fear that. If I fail FiMo, it means that my creativity has died. Well, at least that's my excuse. No one said that excuses had to be truthful in the slightest.

Away from the subject of school, it's day twenty-one of FiMo I'm currently at 8,478 words when I should be at 11,000. I'm not really motivated this evening to carry on writing (I had to force out 1.3k), so am just making an effort to write another couple of hundred words each day to try and make up the word count. After a few calculations, I realised that if I write 1.2k a day I'll just manage to scrape past the 30k mark on New Years Eve.

My WIP (A Map of the World) is making progress very slowly, and currently stands at 60,066 words. I'm currently at a dry spell where I need to spend more time working on the relationships between certain people. In particular with one character named Daniel who has no dialogue whatsoever so it's proving difficult. My other main aim at the moment is to try and get across the idea that Ryan (MC) and Jasper (2ndMC) are rivals, but at the same time are so similar. This isn't too hard, but their attitudes towards one another change depend greatly upon whoever else is within their company. In particular when around Ryan's mother and Jasper's father who are in a relationship. On top of that is dealing with Ryan's sexuality and the rivalries that have risen because of this on top of other factors. Plus there's all the petty stuff between all the other characters, but seeing as they aren't my main focus right now I won't go into them.

Working with 2008 in mind, I'm starting to get brief ideas of what I want to write next year. On top of I Watched The Skies Bleed, I'm considering writing a murder-related story seeing as I've had a year of experience since my last attempt at writing one. I'll also want to finish off my current WIP, and possibly write the sequel that's been playing in mind which focuses more on Daniel than Ryan and Jasper.



Kristina-Leigh. x

Does it feel like we've never been alive?
Does it seem like it's only just begun?




I have five out of eight of my results back for the preliminary exams. From my grades, let's just say I'm just glad that I don't want to become involved with anything scientific. My results are pretty good but could have been better, but I'm definitely not complaining seeing as apart from in Chemistry (which I'm failing with knowledge & understanding, and just scraping a pass with problem solving) I'm pulling at least a general grade in all subjects.

Moving away from the subject of school because it's currently annoying me (five fire bells in one day), I'll move onto writing. After briefly scanning the other entries I've noticed that it is the primary focus of my entries in general. Well, that and school. But as I already stated, school is a pain today especially seeing as my best friend was away on a trip today so I got lonely despite being surrounded by everyone else I like. .__.

I managed to reach 50,000 words on my NaNo on the 29th of November but am still far from finishing. I'm only on chapter five that currently stands at 18,762 words and isn't finished yet. Who thought that describing a school -- ugh, there's that word again! -- day could be so detailed? Four lessons and a break have so far commenced, but it is necessary for character building, the introduction of other characters and for developing the relationship between my MC, Ryan, and his soon-to-be lover Daniel. It also does move the plot along too, so all should be well.

I'm currently taking part in NaNoFiMo, and have so far written 6,075 out of 30,000 words this month towards it. There is no way I'll finish the novel before New Year, but signing up to FiMo is at least keeping me motivated.

January 2008's plot for a tale is already in the works. A one sentence summary that I told CT2.0 (msn group) last night was "a story involving a vampire, a guardian and a slave sailing the ocean under the command of a demon." The working title for it is, I Watched The Skies Bleed, and it comes from the song 'The Last Sunrise' by Aiden. I've so far written up an outline for the first scene. The story opens with Sebastian, the MC, and his guardian Zulah-Laurel (or Lulu, as she will be referred to throughout the novel) several hours into their journey to track down a book (within which is a list of ingredients to brew a potion) that holds the cure to save his dying fiancée.


Anyway, I'd love to ramble but I have 1,000 words to write despite lack of motivation.



Kristina-Leigh. x